Learn the English language, already.

Now, before you get all cranky, I'm not addressing this to immigrants and folks who grew up speaking another language. English is a complex, contradictory and just-plain rough tongue to pick up.

No, I'm talking about folks who grew up (debatably) speaking it, most of whom don't know any other language. It amazes me what an utter lack of communication-skills the average American has. Half the time I talk to people, I've got to decipher numerous grunts and murmurs, not to mention the constant stream of casual profanity, even from grown adults. It's really not a big deal, gang, and you've been hearing and speaking it your whole life, so straighten up and conduct yourself with some dignity already.

To get started, let's practice "please" and "thank you." Both of these are very simple but important. "Okay" and "Mrnmm" do not count. "'Sup, yo" is no substitute for a simple hello, and it just makes you look like a doofus. Especially if you're a suburban white person. The whole hip-hop culture thing has completely pervaded our youth, and they're growing up to be a bunch of idiotic, incoherent morons with their pants hanging down their butts. They conduct themselves like stuttering chimps and then wonder why they don't "get no respect." Go figure.

A little good grammar and clear enunciation goes a long way. Trust me. And while you're at it, refer to rule #1 below.

Oh, and nobody looks cool with their hat on sideways.