April 2006 – LonelyMachines

The Joy of Torgo

Torgo

Ah, it’s been awhile. If you don’t know who this happy little gent is, well…you’ve never seen Manos: the Hands of Fate. When I was in college, a friend brought a copy of this movie over one Friday night for us to watch. It had been given to him by his film professor as “a catalog of heinous mistakes.” We tried to sit through it. We really did.

In the years since, I’d largely buried the resulting psychological trauma under a thin veneer of denial and forgetfulness. Although I’d followed it casually, I’d been unaware that the good folks at Mystery Science Theater 3000 had given Manos the full treatment. A friend mentioned it, and it turns out that this is one of the MST3K episodes Rhino’s released on DVD, so I picked up a copy.

This is an entirely different movie when Joel and the Bots do it. On its own, Manos is utterly unwatchable.

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Music

Goldmund: Corduroy Road

I’m not sure where to start on this one. Goldmund is the alter-ego of Keith Kenniff, a Boston-based musician who’s done some superb electronic work for Type over the last couple of years. I ordered this sight-unseen, and although I expected something different, this took me completely by surprise.

Kenniff’s discarded all his computerized trappings in favor of an album of mostly solo piano. There are thirteen short tracks, unified by the influence of American Civil-War music. It’s an odd, elegaic and beautiful record, and certainly the last thing I expected.

I’m not sure what to compare it to. “Ba” opens with a skeletal melody floating over an ostinato, sounding something like Chris Clark’s “Pleen 1930s” or some of Richard James’ work on the much-lamented Drukqs. At other times, the sparse, quiet pieces like “Marching through Georgia” are remniscient of A Silver Mt. Zion or Robin Holcomb’s wonderful Little Three.

Kenniff keeps the microphones closely placed, and you can hear his fingers tapping the keys and the hammers striking the strings.

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Civil Rights Ordnance

“I’m the only one in this room professional enough…”

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Famous last words, especially when you’re a Federal Agent lecturing students on gun safety, and you shoot yourself after saying this. In case you’re not familiar with the sad case of Lee Paige, here goes.

Paige was lecturing a group of students and parents of the Orlando Minority Golf Association in April of 2004. He gave a very condescending lecture, during which he held up his duty weapon and said, “I’m the only one in this room, that I know of, professional enough to carry this Glock 40.” He then pointed the gun at his foot and discharged a round into his leg.

The best part? It was all captured on tape. In March of 2005, the video was leaked to the internet, and was received with a mixture of shock, bemusement and (quite justified) mockery. Paige was suspended from his duties, and the above quote became folklore.

At 1:40, he draws his weapon and hands it to his assistant, who assures him it’s unloaded.

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Music

Terry Riley: Cadenza on the Night Plain

Well, it’s about damn time. This is a classic recording that’s been out of print for almost ten years. I lost mine awhile back and regretted it ever since. The good folks at Ryko have finally acquired the rights and reissued it with an excellent remastering job.

I’ve always been somewhat ambivalent in my feelings toward the Kronos Quartet. On one hand, I’m grateful for the job they’ve done exposing the public to new and challenging repetoire, and they approach their work with a great deal of skill and enthusiasm.

On the other hand, their enthusiasm sometimes gets the best of them. Note that they rip through Philip Glass’ Company at such a clip that nothing’s given a chance to resonate and brood the way it’s supposed to. They have a tendency to mic everything very close, and at times it causes them to sound strained and raspy, particularly on the Early Music.

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Civil Rights

Cynthia McKinney and all that’s wrong with us.

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Here in America, we seem to have forgotten one simple fact: our elected officials work for us, not the other way around. They answer to us. They deserve no special privileges or indulgences, and they are just as accountable to the law (if not more so) as any of us.

Come on, why do I even have to remind people of this? Do they even teach government in the schools anymore?

Case in point: Cynthia McKinney’s recent assault on a Capitol Hill police officer. Let’s make sure we have the facts straight here, shall we? She walked around the metal detector at the entrance of a Federal building, failed to display credentials, and when an officer told her three times to stop, she refused. When he grabbed her arm, she responded by striking him.

It’s unknown whether she’ll be arrested or charged yet. Rather than show contrition or admit she was wrong, she tried to claim that she was important enough that she didn’t have to go through the checkpoints like the little people.

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Humor

Newsflash: Little Girls Prefer Open Software

In these days of restrictive DRM, lawsuits from the BSA, and all manner of spyware, adware, trojans and virii, most pre-adolescent girls are migrating to Linux and other OSS variants. Studies done by really smart people with clipboards have shown it.

To respond to this demand, Mattel has released BarbieOs 1.99, which will be powering the B-Book laptop available this Politically Correct Non-Denominational Winter Holiday (formerly known as X-mas, formerly known as Christmas).

According to a company spokesdroid, the BarbieOs runs under Debian, reflecting young consumers’ concerns for speed, stability, security and scalability. He says that this is the sort of OS a savvy, career-oriented woman like Barbie would use, and he adds, “Barbie would also be tired of Microsoft’s licensing bullshit.”

As are we all.

Speaking of DRM, many consumers concerned with the legal and intellectual constraints being placed on the online music community have started turning to older, less restricted technology.

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