Piling On

February 9th, 2015

OK, I'll join in on the Brian Williams meme train.  Here he is reporting from Dallas on November 24, 1963.

Proper Spelling

January 16th, 2014

So, this week is SHOT Show in Las Vegas. The ATF maintains a booth there, and someone thought it would be witty to do this:

ATF Sign Defaced

Of course, when one considers the fact that our tax dollars paid for that sign, the joke's on us. I'm sure this brave and clear act of civil disobedience inspired a road to Damascus moment among the agents present. I wouldn't be surprised if it made the entire agency consider a change in mission and philosophy, and…

Yeah. Um, no.

While we're at it, the correct spelling is "Molon …

Snowden: Traitor or Troll?

January 15th, 2014

Iranian news sources and the Russian FSB have parsed Edward Snowden's 2-million document leak. Among the shocking state secrets revealed is the identity of our true lords and masters: Hitler space aliens.

Well, now the cat's out of the bag. Is nothing safe?

Apparently, Snowden shared documents with former Canadian defense minister Paul Hellyer, who has gone on record to confirm that space aliens from Nevada (I knew there was something off about Harry Reed) have been running our government since 1945. They'd previously built submarines for the Nazis. The whole thing has been splashed all over …

That Ain't Cold

January 7th, 2014

It's 12° out. That's not even cold. Heck, in Oslo, it's…what? What? 39°?

Crap. It is cold. I need to avoid sticking my tongue on any foreign objects for the next few days.

(Thanks to George Takei for the cool picture.)

Durka Durka!

December 15th, 2013

The NSA is apparently monitoring online gamers in hopes of catching terrorists.

Because militants often rely on features common to video games — fake identities, voice and text chats, a way to conduct financial transactions — American and British intelligence agencies worried that they might be operating there

Right. So, um…yeah. To be sure, I can never play Borderlands or Team Fortress for more than 30 seconds without some jihadist trying to recruit me to his sinister cabal. It's quite disconcerting, really. I once tried World of Warcraft, but all those folks ever do is plot to overthrow the Great …

<Blink> Tag: 1994-2013

December 11th, 2013

So, I was doing some things in which I take little pride. In fact, it's best they're not mentioned. During the course of these…things, the venerable <blink> tag came up, and I found out that it has been disabled in newer versions of Firefox. It appears that Chrome has never supported it.

What the $%*@? I mean, seriously. What the $%*@? This is America. We have rights. This aggression will not stand, man.

First they came for our floppy disks. Then they came for our Geocities pages. Where does it end? They think they can just come around and pull the rug out from under us. Not cool. That rug tied the room together.

Sometimes I need to make a point, and the best way to do it is through seizure-inducing blinking text. Now, like my collection of Twin Peaks video tapes, that has been torn away from me. Those guys who own Mozilla and Google, their day is coming. There will be a reckoning. People are tired of being pushed around. They are going to hear from me through a harshly-worded AIM chat. Enough is enough.

The Caliber Debate, Settled.

November 1st, 2013

We've all endured the various debates about handgun cartridge effectiveness. We're told the venerable .45 ACP is capable of physically unfeasible things, while the 9mm will annoy an assailant at best. While some folks have conjecture and anecdotes, I have physics on my side.

It's all about black holes, specifically the Schwarzschild radius. That's a measurement of how tightly a given object must be compressed in order for it to become a gravitational singularity. For example, the Sun would have to be compressed to a radius of roughly 3 kilometers before it became impossible for light to …

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

June 25th, 2013

galactus_twinkies

It's been seven months since Twinkies went out of production. Seven interminable, agonizing months. I have hungered. I have been irritable and cranky. I have had to resort to normal food to keep my blood sugar normalized.

No more! The Hostess brand has been purchased by Apollo Global Management LLC (which is totally not the name of an adult video company), and Twinkies will be back on store shelves on July 15th. I am going to order a case of Jolt Cola, take a couple of days off, and gorge myself until I look like Orson …

Futility

June 22nd, 2013

This is America. If you believe enough, and if you try hard enough, you can do almost anything. You could be an astronaut, a head of state, or even start a snarky blog of your own.

If you try really hard, you can even force a 1911 magazine to seat and lock into a Glock 21.

Wrong magazine, boyo

Fortunately, you can't make it chamber a round.

Bad Dudes

June 1st, 2013

Rally Rooster and Authority Horse

The Pony. The Rooster. Together, they fight crime.

No job is too big or too small. Need someone to rescue the President from ninjas? They're on it. Need someone to do a rockin' rendition of "Uptown Girl" at your next Bar Mitzvah? They're game.

(We regret that the terms of Rooster's probation don't permit him to approach within 100 yards of a petting zoo or aquarium.)

In Case You're Wondering…

January 19th, 2013

This is what gun dealers have to endure when we're on hold with the NICS background check center:

It strains sanity and tests even the hardiest soul, especially when I'm stuck on hold for as long as 30 minutes at a time lately. Sometimes, I just turn on speaker phone so I can share the pain.

I have trouble believing that a government that can't come up with better music than this could possibly effect a nationwide gun confiscation effort.

I Am a Magnet for Crackpots

June 21st, 2012

Usually, I get one good nutjob a week. They waddle in, regale me with their conspiracy theories, then leave to do whatever it is they do when they're not holed up in a makeshift Faraday cage somewhere.

Today, I had three before lunch. I checked: it's not a full moon. So what gives?

The first mentioned that DHS put in a large order of ammunition, "like a million rounds or something." A rational person would say, "OK. We're going into the 4th quarter of the fiscal year."

Well, that's what a rational person would say. This guy? Noooo. He claimed it was to …

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