Nobody knows for sure what made Clippy snap.  Perhaps it was the cocaine.  Maybe it was the way Steve Ballmer would sneak up and grope him when they were alone in the break room.  For all we know, he hit the breaking point when he turned on the television and saw himself being voiced by Gilbert Gottfried.

All we know is that the 21st century wasn't being kind to Clippy, and he wasn't taking it anymore.

One January morning in 2000, he showed up at the Microsoft offices in Redmond with a Glock 19 and a 33-round magazine.  There would be blood.  Oh yes, there would be blood.

However, Clippy's rampage was cut mercifully short by the fact that he lacked fingers and was unable to operate the gun.  King County deputies arrested him on weapons charges.  He took an insanity defense, and he's currently getting the help he needs.

I wish the same could be said of the Brady Campaign.

Let's just say I know a guy who once knew a guy who once sniffed paint with Julian Assange in college.  He sometimes gets, shall we say, privileged information.  Some of it is highly classified, as is what I'm about to share with you.

Seriously, let's not put this all over the internet, people.

We all know that the SCAR Mk-16 was recently dropped by SOCOM, and the government claimed they were going back to the M4.  I now have evidence that this is not the case, and that a vast government cover-up is at work.

Who's Captain Tactical now?  Huh?  I can't hear you!

That's right, baby.  I am.

Representing yourself in court is rarely a good idea.  Spend a day in traffic court if you want numerous demonstrations.  Some of those folks are incompetent to the point of amusement, but once in a while, someone comes along who is simply epic, for lack of a better word.

One of those people is Paul Hupp.  Mr. Hupp is a man of passion and conviction.  He's also quite the amateur litigant.  I say "amateur" because he didn't manage to procure admission to the California bar, then failed to get said denial overturned in court.

Feeling that his money was thus wasted on law school, he attempted to get his obligations to student loans discharged.  Failing in this, he tried to sue over the matter.  The result?  Failure.

See a pattern to this man's life yet?  It gets better.

Justice Breyer came up with this concept during oral arguments today, and it was too fruity to pass up.

Still, I take from what you are saying that — let's make up an imaginary importance of ordered liberty chart, and we give it to James Madison and the other framers.  And he would say insofar as that right to bear arms is important for the purpose of maintaining the militia, it's high on the ordered liberty chart.  Insofar as the right to bear arms is there to shoot burglars, it's low on the ordered liberty chart.

He's …

From a lecture by John Pilger, given at an event called Socialism 2009 ("New Left for a New Era").  Mr. Pilger thinks our current President isn't liberal enough:

During his brief period in the Senate, Obama voted to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. He voted for the Patriot Act. He refused to support a bill for single-payer health care. He supported the death penalty. As a presidential candidate he received more corporate backing than John McCain. He promised to close Guantanamo as a priority, but instead

…

Domino sugar, "now certified Carbonfree."  Spotted in WalMart.

I am, of course, compelled to point out that the molecular formula for sucrose is C12H22O11.  That's 12 atoms of carbon.

According to Domino, what they actually mean is that the "carbon footprint" of the production process is neutral.  Evidently, that was just too clunky of a slogan to put on the label, so they settled for implying that their product is composed only of colorless gases.

Hey, whatever makes you feel all self-righteous…

So, a twentyish sort started asking me about AR-15 rifles.  He was interested in starting cheap and building up from there.  Fair enough.

Then he asked me which model was more "tactical."  Devoid of any context, that term really doesn't have any meaning, folks.

Realizing that I was edging into serious Mall Ninja territory, I chose to throw in some lingo.  I told him that the answer would depend on how he planned on "deploying" the rifle.

He responded that, for him, a fiream is "just a fallback, if you know what I mean."

I assured him that I didn't know what he meant, and then he said it:

"I don't really need a gun.  My hands are registered as lethal weapons."

He said this without the slightest hint of irony.  He was serious.

Fact: The Mayan calendar ends in 2012!

Fact: Pseudoscientists and late-night radio DJ's agree that a previously unseen planet called Nibiru will impact the Earth in 2012, wiping out most life on the planet!

Fact: This will present a major inconvenience for many.

Coincidence or PROPHECY???

The government has failed to act on this threat!

In fact, the GOVERNMENT has not even acknowledged that there IS a threat!

This is proof of a VAST CONSPIRACY to protect the rich and privileged!

Don’t be left out in the cold when the comet

…

Oh, that was McGovern.  Oops.  I'd much rather vote McGivern anyhow.

If her performance in tonight's Vice Presidential debate was any indication, Sarah Palin's going to be one heck of a VP, doggone it.

Only one thing bothers me, and it's like fingernails being raked down a chalkboard.  She pronounces "nuclear" as "noo-kyu-ler."  I know many of the Silent Generation folks enunciated it that way, but I'll cut them some slack.  Even the sitting President has a problem with it.

But for someone only a few years older than me, it's not really acceptable.  I mean, it's not like there's a silent "p" or anything: the word's …

There's a lesson here, and it isn't pretty.

[Clayton County Commissioner Eldrin] Bell was one of 600-800 people attending strip club franchise owner Jack Galardi's invitation-only, annual Fourth of July party in Butts County on Saturday. Galardi's empire includes Pink Pony South, a recently opened strip club in Forest Park.

Bell said he took advantage of a firing range on Galardi's 500-acre Flovilla ranch to try out a friend's new "high caliber" handgun.

"Fire jumped out between the barrel and the cylinder [the cylinder gap] and really cauterized, burned my thumb," Bell said Monday. "It looks ugly."

–Atlanta Journal-Constitution