I've come to realize something very sad about myself.

I can't even get laid in a video game.

Now, back to the Sniper. Sure, everyone wants to play the Sniper. It's a class designed for the antisocial gamer. Sit on a hill, line up the scope, and nail someone who never saw it coming from half-a-mile away, right?

Not in this game. Most of the maps have you moving quickly, and at close-quarters. The Sniper's usual methods are actually a liability here. He needs to get solitary and keep his distance, and that's a hard thing to do in TF2.

Speaking of the Pyro, he's an odd one. His flamethrower is not only incredibly gratifying ("I'm on fire! Doktorr!"), it's a devastating weapon that covers a wide area. In a way, he's the opposite of the medic. The Medic dispenses a short-range defensive buff to teammates, while the Pyro spits out a close-quarters dose of pain to the opposition.

Next, let's consider the Medic. Your team does have one, right? If not, get one of the 4 guys playing Sniper to switch. More on that later.

You have three sets of classes: offense, defense and support. Use your Engineers to lock down vulnerable areas in your base, and leave the offensive stuff to the classes meant for it. That means Heavies and Soldiers. They take point, which means soaking up damage, and the Medic's place is at their side.

Ah, the sentry: the gift that keeps on giving. In the hands of a good engineer, this little number is a mechanized fountainhead of suppressing fire and mayhem. Managed by an incompetent, it's a just a big paperweight.

"The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance."

–GLaDOS

Meet Alyx Vance. She's one of the main characters in Valve Studios' Half-Life series. She's also something of a rarity in videogames in that she's an actual character, as opposed to the 2-dimensional caricatures of women that dominate the genre.

Of course, I'm playing Halo 3. The single-player campaign, while entertaining, really isn't anything more than a training ground for the real meat of the game, which is the multiplayer.

There's a mishmash of a story involving the Covenant's invasion of Earth to retrieve the Ark, Cortana's imprisonment with the Gravemind and of course, the great question: how is it Master Chief can fall from space at escape velocity and survive, but he dies if he slips off a 30-foot embankment?

Well, that last one is never answered, but the rest wraps up nicely. Stick around after the credits for a nice little bit of closure.

Tonight marks the release of Halo 3. I'll risk the possible lynching by a crowd of angry, pitchfork-toting fanboys and say it: I never really got what the hype was about.

Sure, it's a competent first-person shooter, and the online capabilities are excellent, but c'mon, it's pulpy space opera with guns. It's good, but it's not exactly the reinvention of the wheel or anything.

Anyhow, Master Chief's back, riding a wave of advertising hype and testosterone into the videogame equivalent of Return of the Jedi. And, of course, Jack Thompson's back as well.

Well, I've got the 360 back. It took Microsoft a bit longer than expected, but three weeks isn't bad. Of course, I had the misfortune of having it malfunction just before they acknowledged the prevalence of the problem and extended the warranty to three years. As a result, mine was only one unit being returned in a deluge of others, so this was to be expected.

Still, three weeks or so isn't too bad of a wait considering I was dealing with what amounts to a massive corporate recall.

…and they said it couldn't happen here.

Crackdown has gone through an odd life-cycle. It didn't get much of a promotional push, and first impressions didn't help it, either. On the surface, it appears to be a Grand Theft Auto clone with slightly better graphics (of which there are only 46,178 titles available). What's more, Microsoft chose to bundle the Halo 3 beta key with it. That kind of move usually smells of desperation, and it's usually reserved for titles that just can't hack it on their own merits.

Despite all these things, it's turned out to be one of the most enjoyable titles on the 360 at the moment, and it's garnered itself a certain amount of worthy dark-horse status.