Shrine of the Mall Ninja

March 1st, 2006

This is a collection of the wisdom posted on the internet by a guy calling himself Gecko45. It all started back at the end of the halcyon summer of 2001, and his posts have created a certain urban legend that many refer to as the Mall Ninja. Hang out at any gun shop, gun show or shooting match and you’ll see one of these guys; you might even see a group of them since they are known to associate in the wild.

The Mall Ninja is easily distinguished by an abundance of “tactical” gear, such as fatigues, a thigh holster (with, of course, a Glock), combat boots, bandolier and other accouterments that you’d usually only see on a SWAT operative. Median age is usually 19-25, and they tend to boast about their various exploits with certain Special Forces units, all of which they’re too young and idiotic to have joined (real Special Forces types don’t brag). They typically have opinions on everything, regardless of expertise, they are uniformly poor shots, and they tend to exhibit a frightening lack of safety training.

The shadowy and shrill figure known as Gecko45 is the holy Dalai Lama of these dolts, but trust me, there are more. Many, many more.

Anyhow, I went looking for the original GlockTalk thread, and I found that it’s no longer archived. For a time, it was mirrored at mallninja.com, but sadly, the site is now down. Luckily, I had a copy of the thread cached (as well as a great one from the HK91 forum), so I figured I’d post it here. I’ve only kept Gecko’s posts (with one hilarious exception), since I don’t have permission from the folks who responded to him, but needless to say, he got grilled. A few folks even played along to get a rise out of him.

All in all, good fun. I’ve added emphasis to the parts that deserve particular attention, and a bit of commentary in italics. I’ve left all spelling and grammatical errors intact, painful as they may be.

So, without further ado:

“Am I being careful enough?” from GlockTalk

Gecko45 writes:

hello friends,

Last year I made the decision to trust my life on the street to Second Chance body armor. I got the level IIa because it stops the most rounds. plus I got the Trauma Plate for the front.

What scares me is that, although I can fit an extra trauma plate in the front, I cannot fit a second one in back. As of late I have taken to duct-taping a second trauma plate to the area of my back where the heart and vital organs are located. Then I put my vest on.

Here is the questions. The ducttape solution, although tactically sound, is hot and painful to remove. I would like to go to the single-plate solution in back. What I am worried about is repeated hits to that area with .308 ammunition. I have a high-risk security job and I fear that I would be the target for repeated long-distance shots to my back.

Are any of you aware of a thicker plate that could stop, say, .338 Lapua or something like that? Is there a better way to do the second plate?

BTW, I am, of course, usually carrying a pair of ceramic plates in my briefcase so that I can shield my head. My SO (we work as a team when necessary) has a similar accessory containing a breakdown NEF single-shot 300 WinMag with an 18" bbl. The plan is that I shield us with my body and “catch the rounds” while she assembles the NEF. I lay down covering fire with my 23 (Bar-Sto .357 Sig barrel) and she makes the long shots. I will then throw smoke grenades to obscure the area while continuing to lay covering fire. The problem, of course, is when I have to turn my back to run, and then the problem crops up.

Thanks!

One poster responded, ‘If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B.” Needless to say, alot of folks started seriously wondering where this guy worked”


Gecko45 writes:

Thanks to everybody for the help. I am now thinking that the best thing to do is to have my wife make an “undervest” with pouches front and rear for the additional plates. This would let me have three plates in front (probably too hot and two in back. What I’m also asking her to do is to sew in a sleeve for an ASP collapsible baton. Right now I’m taping the ASP to my right calf (the left calf is where I have my G27).It’s okay for me to talk about my job, as long as I’m not specific. I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas. [And here the myth begins”] Although there are typically between fifteen and twenty normal security officers working the beat there, we decided a while ago that it would be best to have a specilized force for violent individuals. We use modified electric vehicles and can be anywhere on a given floor within eight and a half minutes.Naturally, the regular security people are unarmed. We “RTFers”, by arrangement with the local police, carry high-strength OC spray and batons. If we have a full tactical alert and permission from the local LEOs we also have a Mossberg 500 with less-lethal rounds and two K-frame Smith .38s loaded with 158gr. LRN.Basically, the situation is that we get the call, we lock up the situation, put everything five by five, and cordon the area until the local authorities arrive. We’re cops, we just don’t get the glory. [Somehow, I imagine the real police wouldn’t agree”]I am not permitted to carry Glocks on duty; however, when my wife picks me up from work I strap on the “Deadly Duo” of a 27 and 23, each with Bar-Sto .357 bbl.I am writing a proposal to replace our current Mossberg-Smith armament with the following:

  • 3) MP5K-PDW with red-dot sights;
  • 2) G36 rifles using SS109 rounds;
  • 3) Glock practical tacticles in .357 Sig
  • 1) PSG-1 using Fed Gold Medal .308
  • 1) Starlight scope for the PSG-1 in case we lose power in the building.
  • 3) Glock 27 backup guns
  • 3) Kahr P-9 holdouts

I think this would make us capable of facing nearly any situation. I’ll let you know what the management says!!!

At this point, bullshit alarms started going off, and people started calling him on it. Here’s his response:


Gecko45 writes:

I do not understand the “joke” or the “Rambo.” I am in a high-risk job. It is not the Mall of America, but Ill tell you what its no podunk mall either.I am a responsible citizen who has made the choice to carry at all times. I defend others. If something happens at the Mall then I would be the hero, not those of you who are making fun of me for no reason. Yes Im not a Green Beret but guess what neither are you and unlike you I have to face unruly shoppers every day.My REAL problem is that, like any LEO, I have enemies because of my job. They may have access to high-powered rifles. My job starts and ends at the same time every day. Although I use four rotating routes to drive to and from work, I am still vulnerable during the walk to and from my car. This is the time that I load up on the trauma plates because I DO NOT WANT TO BE SHOT DEAD!Also, someone said that my Tac Team doesn’t get training. Not true. We meet at the range every night and shoot 400 rounds each through weapons that closely resemble our duty setup. We also practice unarmed combat. I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls. I don’t think any of you are working as hard as I am to be prepared. I asked a serious question about tactical armor and I wanted a serious response. If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God.

400 rounds a night would come out to close to $30K/year. I wish I had that kind of money to blow on ammo. That, and the last sentence will just live in infamy”


After this, Gecko45 pretty much disappeared, as trained masters of “Ninjitsu” are known to do (yeah, I know it’s “Ninjutsu”). He later reappeared on the HK91 forums, starting a thread called “Need SW advice from Todd.” It’s worth noting that the “Todd” referred to here runs a company called Special Weapons, and apparently, both his products and business practices leave a great deal to be desired.

“Need SW advice from Todd”from HK91

Gecko45 writes:

Todd,

I have recently been attempting to acquire an SW5 for my work as one of a group of security personnel. I have heard good things about your guns on most of the gun boards, except of course for the ones where they treat everybody badly. I have already purchased two of your SW3s from an estate sale, I had a chance to pick up a lot of different guns, but I wanted an SW, and am pleased with the quality, fit and finish. I am going to go test fire them Tuesday, the tax refund was good to me! Do you have any ammunition reccomendations? I am planning on using American Eagle 9mm. I am wondering who I can purchase an SW5 from in upstate NY, and whether or not you will take a credit card. My employer said that he would pay for one of is choosing, but that it would be a police surplus HK. I think it would be better to have a new gun that is just as good as an HK, than one of those used German guns. I will purchase it personally, and keep it when I retire. I have been to your website, and all of the guns look great. In a month, I would like to purchase one of your HK91 clones, although I could go with a parts gun, I would prefer to purchase from a reputable manufacturer. Let me know where I can get one, and I want people here who don’t like Todd to know that these guns I have now look great, and I’ll bet that Tuesday, they shoot great too. I think lots of people here are just envious of a businessman who actually sells stuff. Anyhow, good luck, and keep up the good work, this world needs your better guns.

Several people chimed in, wondering if this was indeed Todd, trying to hype himself.


Gecko45 writes:

I am not Todd, I am just a guy who wants to ask him some questiosn about these very nice Special Weapons guns I just got, and I don’t see why everyone is so nasty with him anyhow, has ever anyone proved that he cheated somebody, I did not think so.I think that you should give his products a chance, in my line of work we only use the best, and these look like they are the best, so that is why I bought them.


Gecko45 writes:

Why must I repeat myself, I am not Todd, I am a security officer, and I need some questions answered about my choice of on duty weapon. Why must you persist in saying that I am Todd? I am a professional, with a serious job, and when I need answers about the equipment I trust my life to, I go to the source. I’ll bet that all of you do not have jobs where people’s lives may be at stake, so you use some other gun, but I’ll bet you the first time I shoot my SW3’s, they’ll work better than the HK ever would.


Gecko45 writes:

To answer your question about where I work and what I guard, I the liutenant of a 3 man Rapid Tactical Force Team, in one of the nation’s largest indoor retail shopping centers. My job job is to defend and protect the lives of the many shoppers who currently vist this center, and in my line of work you cannot be too careful. My job requires that my weapons be of the highest quality, and compared to the HK94 my Team Leader owns, it is a great gun. The HK MP5SD we tesst fired was quiet, but kept jamminng with Hydra-Shoks. The round would go “nose up” out of the magazine, and stop the bolt, and I kept having to clear the chamber. I will not buy any more HK’s because of these FTF’s, the Civvie-leagal HK94 does the same thing. We are completely done with pistol caliber HK’s on our taem, our equipment must be reliable. For the smae reason, however, we will continue to use the G36 rifles for patrol, be cause they do work more smoothly than the M4’s. I just need a reliable replacement for the HK’s, and we chose SW because of their availibility and reputation.

At this point, he’s not only given up on grammar and punctuation, but he’s transcended the boundaries of the paragraph as we know it.


Gecko45 writes:

quote: Originally posted by SteyrAUG:
Last time I checked class G (armed) security guards were restricted to .38 cal revolvers as duty weapons. NO state would authorize the use of a semi automatic carbine or rifle made by anyone. I would think that Todd would know this given his expertise in low paying occupations.

We were previuosly restricted to .38’s and two Mossberg 500’s with less leathel rounds in them, but when our team saved the life and possibly the virginity of the Mayor’s nephew, there was a special relaxation of the rules made for us, due to the factt that the nepheew(who will remain nameless to rpevent a scandal) was saved by us using weapons better than our issue setup, so now we have good funding for gear for our jobs, and we needed to find relaible SMG’s, but the HK’s just wouldn’t cut it.

Yep, kids, this is where it gets FUN! You’ve been warned.


Gecko45 writes:

quote: Originally posted by infantry556:
Hello Gecko45, or should I say MALL NINJA!! just some real quick advice: Stay away from Special Weapons, to call them sh@t would be too nice. Also, saved the mayors nephew? is that some kind of fu@king joke?

It was a hostage situation that was hushed up. The SWAT prettyboys were overpowered by the Gap, and we Backup RTF’ers had to resume our roles, and basically put everything five by five. The takedown was actually applied with SW weapons, SW3’s. It happened a while agao, and there is no way you would know what city I am in, so I can reveal these details, lets just say that the Mayor had really deep pockets to keep all of this out of the news. People aren’t so holy and upstanding when you get out your checkbook, they start to “forget” stuff, at least that what I understood happened.

At this point, I should mention that I take no responsibility for coffee or other fluids that may be ejected from your nostrils onto your keyboard. This was when a second poster (SPECOPS) chimed in, and then things just got even stranger.


SPECOPS writes:

Listen, I don’t expect you civilians to understand the situation. But bear with me and I’ll see if I can pound it into you soft skulls.With the decay of society and the rotting away of the moral fiber of our country this world is getting more and more dangerous and down right mean. Who do you think protects you from the scum of this society??? The cops, the FBI, the army???Guess again, it’s the guys guarding your companies, your banks, your schools, your homes, your supermarkets, and yes smartass, even your malls. What good are the cops going to be if a shooter shows up at your workplace??? How about your kid’s school, remember Columbine? I’ll tell you what the cops will do, call the SWAT team and screw around trying to locate the front door for 30 minutes, while you or your children are shot down like prairie dogs at a drunken machinegun shoot.We are on site, when the cops are cruising around handing out speeding tickets or harrassing prostitutes. We risk our lives so you can go home to mommy at the end of the day and this is the respect we get??? Hell, I’d call some of us “heroes”, but I’m sure most of you juveniles don’t understand the meaning of such a Distinguished word.So go play Rainbow Six and frag some “tangos”, and tell your mommy to bring you some milk and cookies. Meanwhile, my ass is one the line so your fat butt can go to the mall and pick up the latest copy of “Computer Gaming Monthly” without getting jumped and sodomized in the mall bathroom.Stay safe Gecko45! I got your back brother!

Great. Now he’s got a friend. At least SPECOPS understands the value of paragraphs.


Gecko45 writes:

We only patrol the roof, maitenance areas, and parking lots with rifles, MP5’s for if TSHTF indoors, and Glock 30’s on our belts. The MP5 is carried discreetly, under the seats of the electric transportation cart, and we only wear BDU’s. It’s not extreme to be prepared and the merchants don’t mind, it keeps the Neonazi gangs and the Crips out of the mall. We did have a “situation”, but such things are easily disguised as, say an evacuation due to a gas leak at one of the restaurants, and the operation of both sides was so well contained, that they almost got wawy with it, and we just managed to bring it to a halt.This is not a fantasy, it is myjob, and if it is too harsh of a reality for you armchair commandos, then get another beer, and change websites, because this is the real wolrd of CQB. I can hack it, can you, I do not think so, and your attempt to make fun of me is lame and childish.

At this point, they start encouraging each other. Bear in mind, the derogatory posts from other members are flying around like shrapnel from an Ambercombie & Finch store window being peppered with .223 rounds


SPECOPS writes:

quote: Originally posted by Nordic:
“Oh, and the other part about you and “your team” on patrol around the mall with G36’s, I’m sure the local merchant’s association just loves people in body armor carrying assault rifles in front of their shops. That must really bring in the business! Here’s a tip for you. Why don’t you unplug yourself from your Nintendo, throw out those comic books, and spend your time fantasizing about girls like most other 13-year-old boys! “

Nordic, pull your thumb out of your butt and listen to me:

We are here to protect 13 year old boys like yourself, so you don’t get gang raped behind the dumpster outside the mall arcade, on your way home to mommy after killing some bad guys at the “Silent Scope” game.

By the way, we aren’t “seen” by the customers. We are low profile and only spring into action when we are needed. Even when we are “working” you will rarely see us drop the perp and take him in for questioning. We work fast and avoid publicity.

BTW, I don’t used the platic POS HK. My team uses Colt R0933s. That’s a .223 select fire M4 commando with a 11.5" bbl for those of you who don’t know s#!t about guns that aren’t on Rainbow Six. We cut down the stocks and PGs M4a1K “heli-crew’ style so that we can conceal them while we are “plain-clothed.” Other versions have KAC RAS w/ foreward grip, Trijicon ReflexIIs, Insight Tech. tac lights and visible lasers. Also have a couple 14.5" bbl with Trijicon ACOG TA11, 3.5×35s for longer range work. Most of the “kit” selection is up to the individual operator and his specialties.

Go back to your shoot ‘em up games, maybe you’ll learn something. Remember, real life, doesn’t have a ‘reset game’ option.


Gecko45 writes:

quote: Originally posted by SPECOPS:

Stay safe Gecko45! I got your back brother!You see, some people here understand the risks we security officers undergo to protect you people, would we exist if our jobs were useless??? I tell you that we are undervalued for our beneficial effect on society at large, for the urban and suburban shopping centers see %80 of the armed violence in this nation, and why don’t the cops take care of it, because they are a bunch of wusses, and they are not man enough to put up with the danger and stress. You all who are makeing fun of me have never been threatened by jailed drug dealers, serial killers, and shoplifters, or fired at by high powered rifles so excuse me if I decide to have good weapons to protect and defend myself without all of you makeing fun of my choice, and they way I do my job!


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by Ekie:
If anyone is interested in a super glamorous vocation such as security officer, or armored car messenger/driver, I have positions available in Southern Missouri. We are frequently in need of Mall Ninjas.

I am not a ninja, merely a student of the art of Ninjitsu, and I prefer not to have status such as “Ninja” laid upon me, for as yet I am unworthy of the title. I will be completing my ninjisu training in a little over 8 months, and then I will be a Master of Ninjitsu, a true “Ninja”. But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training. My weapons skills are the envy of the squad, and I think that with my expertise I ought to be able to choose an effective and reliab;e weapon for CQC and urban combat, whicch is why I chose SW, the MP5’s are junk comparatively.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by HKZ:
So now you are posting as some ranting idiot that goes by “SPECOPS” todd?
“SPECOPS” what the hell is “RAINBOW SIX,” and how do you know so much about it?

Boy, who the hell is Todd, and why do you have such a hardon for the guy???

No I’m not this “Todd” character, and no, I won’t put on a dress for you a pretend I am your boyfriend “Todd.”

As for all this “mall ninja” crap, I can’t speak for my brother in arms, Gecko45, but I don’t even work in a mall anymore. I work for an exclusive security corporation (yeah, corporation, that’s why we get all the good c3 stuff, read up on your NFA laws you jacklegs).

We get contracted out to do security and surveillance by other corporations that are “high risk” locations or “high priority” targets for terrorists/corp. espionage/crimals/gangs, etc

Yes I have “worked” high risk security at certain malls, and yes the corp. I work for does do contract work for malls. That is why I know a lot about the topic. Or course I work higher profile assignments now. That’s what 15 years experience, countless hours of training, 7 company citations, 3 gunshot wounds, 5 knife wounds, and a lot of hard work will do for you.

As far as the ninja stuff, yes we train are people in some forms of martial arts, but nobody here considers themselves a ninja.

Hey HKZ, you better get back to the TV, I think it’s time for “Power Rangers” to come on.


Gecko45 writes:

Specops has his head screwed on straight unlike the rest of you, I’m glad a guy like him one risked hi life to serve in this high risk profession. I know it’s tough, but the responses from this board sure prove that most of you could’nt do this job with help.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by Nordic:
HahaHaHAHAhahAHahaHahaHaHAHAhahAHaha HahaHaHAHAhahAHahaHahaHaHAHAhahAHaha HahaHaHAHAhahAHahaHahaHaHAHAhahAHaha HahaHaHAHAhahAHahaHahaHaHAHAhahAHaha HahaHaHAHAhahAHahaHahaHaHAHAhahAHaha HahaHaHAHAhahAHahaHahaHaHAHAhahAHaha HahaHaHAHAhahAHahaHahaHaHAHAhahAHaha, oh please stop! You’re killin’ me! Listen here GeekOPS, you go right ahead and continue on with your little playtime fantasy. Myself and the others here have better things to do than listen to your little gun-lube fantasy. If you want to sit behind your computer, safe in the knowledge that no one knows who you are or that you still wear Spiderman underwear, and continue your little ego farts then more power to you. No one, and I mean NO ONE here believes a single word of what you are saying. So, we are all off to more intellectually stimulating topics and say goodbye to you and all your multiple personality dissorders. Bye, bye!

Laugh on, laughing boy.

You’re just jealous that SPECOPS and I have something to show for our lives and you do not. The Corporation’s work is the only thing I can talk about, SPECOPS may have led a more adventurous career, but his actions must have been very above-board for him to be able to discuss this much of his work with you. My “Black-Ops” history ensures that you will never know about the missions I accepted in my younger days, and Vietnam still shudders when it hears the name of a an assasin so skillful and deadly, he is remembered decades later. I hope all of you manage to find some meaning in life, because you obviously have never put your life on the line for others, and until you have almost died, you have never lived. In my profession, you take risks that would be considered impossible to 99% of other men, and undergo pain that the mere shock of which would kill any three of you pantywaists.

Specops know what I mean, he’s been, I can tell, and you can take his word for it, it’s harder than you think.


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by RICK314:
Dude, alot of these people just are too wrapped up in their own day to day activities to stop and see that their are folks with guns, keeping you and yours safe. Hats off to you Retail security types. I feel better knowing well trained security specop types are there with quality weapons keeping a sharp eye out for me and mine.
Thanks you brave and beautiful people.
Hows that partner of yours that does the prone support for your testicile, er a tactical firing type postitions.
Do you use secure comms?
Can the guys at Radio Shack tune into the real deal going on around them?
You guys should get more money? Thankless damn job imho.

Thank you rick, it’s nice to know that I have your support in this dark cruel world.

When not on solo ops, we do use secure communications devices, and no you cannot get them at Radio Shack. Military frequencies are scrambled using a 256 bit encryption algorithm, and it is well-nigh uncrackable in any reasonable amount of time.

Just for those who have asked, I will not reveal my identity. Some of you know what I mean.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by Nordic:
No one, and I mean NO ONE here believes a single word of what you are saying. So, we are all off to more intellectually stimulating topics and say goodbye to you and all your multiple personality dissorders. Bye, bye!

You still here??? I thought it was nap time in Mr. Roger’s neighborhood.

Don’t worry, just ignore this thread like a big boy, and you can get back to more “intellectually stimulating topics,” like: “what is the best Pokeman episode,” or “which Olsen twin do you prefer to wack-off to.”

I could care less if you believe me. I’ve been through hell and back and lived to tell about it. So far you’ve only lived through 7th grade. You have a lot to learn about the “real” world, and I’m not talking about the MTV show.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by HKZ:
For the love of god, why don’t the moderators kill this thread?
I have not seen this much stupidity my entire life.
SPECOPS you sure do make a lot of references to homosexuality. That is a tale-tale sign of someone who is not secure with there manhood. It is obvious that you lack any qualities that a real man may have. I pity you and your obviously pathetic existence.

Yeah Nancy, cry to the mods to kill the TRUTH. Just because you’re too much of a Sally to hear REAL men talk about REAL life experiences.

BTW A one time experiementation while in the military, does not make one a homosexual. It’s when you practice it daily, like yourself, that you become a homosexual.

Don’t worry, even though you don’t believe in me, or my work, I’d still save your sorry ass if you got into trouble in one of my secured areas. That’s my job, and I practice it proudly.

However if you come into the sector I’m LRRPing with the intention of causing trouble, I’ll break you into bite sized shrink-wrapped pieces so fast, you’ll be Rottweiler poop-poo before you even begin to feel the pain.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by HKZ:
SPECOPS you couldn’t break one of the school girls you stalk at your local elementary school, much less me. Not on your best day. I am sure you are sitting on your overweight ass typing away a your PC feeling really tough. It is amazing how tough one can be behind a computer screen. Keep it up with your threats if it makes you feel like a man. Luckily for you, you will never have to confront me face to face. You are nothing but a COWARD with a big mouth and a small brain.

If 6'5" and 250lbs is overweight, than so be it.

Don’t worry Lucy, you’ll never have to confront me as long as you stay on the right side of the law. And that’s the govts law and MY law, when your on territory I’m “working.”

Until the day you cross that line, I’ll keep watching over and protecting you. that’s my job. The day you go bad, is when you better watch out. That is also my job.


Gecko45 writes:

Kaliburz, I recognize the name. My squad in our organization’s group of Tac-teams will be swithching to SW shortly, due to poor quality control and workamnship on HK’s part.SPECOPS, I believe I know something of your identity since your last two posts. Were you ever alingned, if not part of, our nation’s “Special Forces”?And for all of you who have a problem with real special operations guys, go try some of our work yourself, run a mile in our boots before you judge our decisions. I personally aplaud SPECOP’s decision to continue to protect and serve, despite your constant baiting and whinnieg cause you’re not as good as we are.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by Gecko45:
SPECOPS, I believe I know something of your identity since your last two posts. Were you ever alingned, if not part of, our nation’s “Special Forces”?

Gecko, I’d rather not disclose my service record over the net among all these civies.

No, I’m a not the individual you believe me to be, however I have worked in close contact with that individual in several operations elsewhere. I must say I admire his work, he is a true hero. I only wish I could get him to work for my company.

I believe we may have met at that seminar on “Entry Tactics for the Security Specialist” a few weeks ago.

Ahhh…Secret Operators of the retail world unite! The love-fest begins.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by dr.hk:
LMAO! Real tough guy on the internet here! Listen my feebleminded friend, grow up and knock off the threats or take it somewhere else.

Miss.hk,

there are no “threats” going on from my part. I’m only promising to do my job, if I have to. Is it a “threat” when a police officer tells a criminal to stay straight? No, similarly it is not a threat to remind a person that he better not break the law on my shift.

I don’t claim to be a “tough guy”, but I have earned respect from my co-workers in a “tough” field. You guys are the ones that jumped on Gecko for wanting a good duty gun, now who are the tough guys behind the keyboards???


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by SPECOPS:
Gecko, I’d rather not disclose my service record over the net among all these civies.

No, I’m a not the individual you believe me to be, however I have worked in close contact with that individual in several operations elsewhere. I must say I admire his work, he is a true hero. I only wish I could get him to work for my company.

I believe we may have met at that seminar on “Entry Tactics for the Security Specialist” a few weeks ago.

I understand your concern, I am well acquainted with the operator in question, but you reminded me vividly of him.

An excellent seminar, by the way which I enjoyed immensely, demonstating to the instructor the proper procedure for breaching steel doorframes was a necessity, the man was a SEAL, and a demolitions expert, but I couldn’t just let him blow himself up. Too much C4, improper detonator-I could go on, but you know what I mean and what I did.

What do you suppose is everyone’s problem with a cpouple of real men, who have put their lives on the line so many times, for the good of the people, killed for their country, and they spit in our faces. I can’t begin to uderstand why they’re not more grataeful for our protection.


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by SPECOPS:
I don’t claim to be a “tough guy”, but I have earned respect from my co-workers in a “tough” field. You guys are the ones that jumped on Gecko for wanting a good duty gun, now who are the tough guys behind the keyboards???

I agree wholeheartedly, why must every remonstration to remain a law-abiding citizen, so that we do not find it necessary to take you out, be seen as a threat. If a kid picks up a candy bar and runs, you give him a warning before you cuff him. Same with those mindless teenyboppers who go to the Hickory Farms store, and then take double samples of fruitcake and cheeselog, you warn them that they will be charged with a felony(grand theft), and that if they attempt to fight and run, they will be, unfortunately, first tazered, and if they continue to resist violently with intent to maim, then wounded. Fortunately, wounding fire to suppress teenage kleptomaniacs is relatively easy, they all run in straight lines, and a hit in the knee will be relatively simple from the second floor. But they all get a warning first, we do not simply shoot shoplifters unless they resist violently. Buttstroking those who attempt to injure me is another story. Consider this your warning, HKsissy, because we’ll aim for center if you get dangerous or violent on our patrols. You do not understand how difficult our job is, or you would be grateful for this warning you have been given-whether you are on SPECOPS’s turf, or on mine, you will not repeat not act up with iniquity.


Gecko45 writes:

Ihave come to the conclusion that most of you here, besides being insulting and rude, not to mention ugly, are ignorant, why would you be defending a POS like an MP5, because in my experience, they just din’t work with hollowpoints, and anybody who would shoot FMJ in an urban area is also an idiot. I need to know how all of you experts can support a gun with so many FTF’s and jams, is this the acceptable performance you can’t get because you are jealous of Todd and his businees which turns out quality firearms, and thus your bias against a solid dependable gun is warping you jugement.?


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by Gecko45:
I understand your concern, I am well acquainted with the operator in question, but you reminded me vividly of him.

Well, I did learn a lot from that particular operator. I studied his tactics in depth. In a way you could call him my mentor.

I enjoyed the seminar a lot, but didn’t actually learn anything new and unique. Those young SOCOM types just don’t know what it’s really like.

As far as the heat we’ve been catching from these chairborne ranger types, I think it is for two reasons: first they are jealous of our experiences, and that we get to actually use the guns that they beat-off to nightly (pictures of the guns, because they aren’t old enough to own the real things). Second they don’t understand the dangers we are faced with every day, protecting their asses.

Back when I was working inventory loss prevention, we dealt mostly against gang members and other assorted thugs. People don’t realize the sort of gear these guys are packing. Gone are the days of gangbangers armed with chrome Lorcin .25s and tec 9s. A lot of these kids are sporting Glocks in 10mm and .357, some USPs, Sigs, and an occasional Desert Eagle in .50AE. Usually they are wearing at least level IIA concealible vests. Long arms range from AKs to AR15s, the usual shotguns and some long-range stuff. Ran into one with a Rem700p in 300 win-mag with a Leupold Mk4 sitting on top of it.

Some of these kids have been enlisting to get the military training and they go AWOL and teach the other punks what they’ve learned, especially CQB and MOUT. Hell, I’ve run into a share of amature “gunsmiths.” One kid had a SKS modified for FA and it was cut down to a Krinkov like-carbine length with a folding stock. Another had Rem1100 modified to fire in FA and modified to accept a 20rd drum from a USAS12.

Now that I work mainly in corporate security, you wouldn’t believe the gear these corp. espionage types use. Temp. controlled level IV suits to beat the heat sensors, PVS14 goggles, MP5K-N PDWs with KAC cans, I could go on and on about those guys


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by defii:
Gecko45 and SPACECOP:
I thought I had seen it all..So while you guys were telling your stories to each other, I walked to the house next door to get some answers. I brought an HK91 along in a case, just to show it to him.
Next door to me lives one of the owners of the mall giant Westcor. They own most malls and shopping centers in Arizona, including one at which there was a gang related shooting INSIDE the mall not too long ago.
I explained why I was asking so many questions, and told him the jist of this thread as it stood when I left my house. We discussed security, and the arming of security guards. The guards at Westcor are hired by Westcor. The are allowed to carry handcuffs and mace. The SENIOR shift officer carries an auto pistol, he was not sure of caliber. He then explained that there are no long guns allowed due to Westcor policy. Especially not hidden under the seat of the golf cart.
I then aked him if “this would be allowed, either on the roof, or in the docks, or anywhere on mall property?” I opened my 91 and I thought he was going to shit in his pants. He could not believe that I thought any such weapon would be allowed in a mall. I do not think he had ever seen the “black rifle” before.
My point to you is, bow out gracefully, if such an exit is possible at this point. You do not use .308 caliber weapons to guard a mall. No way, no how. Sorry. Game over.

Okaaaaay…When did I say I was located in Arizona, or hired by Westcor? I’m not even technically employed by the mall I’m stationed at, my orders come from “higher up”, hint, hint. Sure, most regular overweight mall security guards would not be armed, they would lose a Fullsize frame handgun in the blubber on their waistline, why arm them? The elite, however, have specail privilages, and I can assure you that my orders go far-far enough that I could go around Kennedy airport yelling “Hi Jack!”, and that a simple phone call and codeword would have me released in 5 minutes, with my weapon, be what it may. As I said, my orders go far and while my reasons for protecting this mall remain a matter of national security, if the above does not convince you that I am employed in a capacity that goes above and beyond halting shoplifters, nothing will.

BTW, My SW3(w/ 20 rd Thermold mag) will continue to accompany my official actions out of the eyes of shoppers, as as long as I am so assigned, and the fact that some Westdork security guard is scared of an HK91 rifle is no proof that I do not use, carry, and train with one.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by HKZ:
SPECOPS, 6'5"! Wow, I did not know that crap could be stacked that high.

You should know, you seem like the kind of guy that plays with your own feces.

We have a name for guys like you in the “industry”: fecal-freaks. One time I had to do an dynamic entry on the ladies bathroom, because some freak had snuck in there and was trying to smear excrement on one of the lady patrons.

You should have seen the look on his face when I pulled my Mark23 on him, I think he made another little mess in his pants.


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by SPECOPS:
(…)Now that I work mainly in corporate security, you wouldn’t believe the gear these corp. espionage types use. Temp. controlled level IV suits to beat the heat sensors, PVS14 goggles, MP5K-N PDWs with KAC cans, I could go on and on about those guys!

I know what you mean. The Neo’s are getting fierce around here, the NeoNazis, they have just recently discovered the Grizzly Big Boar .50BMG rifle, and since they must be getting funding from someone, perhaps that well known surviving faction in E. Geermany [Not the East Geermans!], I can’t confiscate their cut down versions before they’re right back with another one but fortunately, since their MO is surpise and concealment, the fools don’t bother to put even a cheap Leapers scope on them, and that gives me that tacticla advantage, and thgus far they have missed both time they shot the decoy before confiscation could be initiated.

I have never had to deal with bolt action sniper rifles, these punk’s tastes run to Ack-Ack guns, and I have taken away 4 stens that they probably stole from Grandaddy’s closet, a Thompson hacked short on both ends,a and more pistol-gripped AK clones than i care to count. These kids want blood, and since they will have to go through me to shed any in my mall, I am constantly doging near misses and ricochets, I have taken to doubling up on my regular regimen on Body armor, as you probaly knwo.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by HKZ:
GET HELP BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

There a motto that gets thrown around in my line of work alot: “I’ll see YOU, but you won’t see ME.”

I try to keep very low profile, I wouldn’t show up on TV even if I did make a major bust for the AMW show. This protects my identity and that of my family. It also allows me to do covert ops without blowing my cover. You know, corp. espionage works both ways.

Also, I’ve pissed off a lot of BGs in the past, some of them are in very powerful positions. It’s better for everyone this way.


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by HK33K:
Man this is the best laugh I have had all weekend! Thank you very much, what a great joke! One last little detail-MP5SDs love to eat Winchester 115 grain 9mm Silvertips!Oh yea, my own transferable HK MP5a3 ate 2k rounds today without one malfunction. My friends SW5pad choked once or twice per mag.

I can only feel sorry for the fool who thinks that tactical ops are a joke, you are probably just like all of the rest. Laugh and jokeing with yor HK BMG(broken machine gun) and when you nedd help, you go all to peices, and it is up to poeple like myself and SPECOPS to save you behind.

Laugh while you can, for we may not be so dedicated when it comes to be your turn to be defended, something you are obvoiusly unabel to do for youslef.


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by William Gunn:
This is what you posted over on Glock Talk as being your mall-rat security force load-out (…) I don’t see the SW3 mentioned anywhere. You claimed that the SW3 saved the Mayors daughter in the Mall of America. Right. (…) Rarely will a tactical officer engage a hostage taker/terrorist at military sniping ranges. But then being the super-whippo mall-rat security tactical rent-a-cop you probably already know this.

No, you blithering idiot, that was a preliminary wants list, but now that our team has concluded that HK’s are brass-bending plastic liability sortagunz, we have completely abandoned that original list and our carbines will be supplied by Hi-Point, or handguns by Lorcin, our backup weapons by Jennings, and our SMG’s and 7.62 battle rifles(SW3’s) by Special Weapons. We only deal with the best, and we feel that the caliber(pun for those of you not to sheeplike to notice) of weapons we have chosen are at the very top of their class.

M4’s, Barretts 50’s, Uzi carbines and Styer SSG’s and such are just fine for those who can afford them, but what are they really getting, huh? A namebrand, sure, a little extra reliablility, maybe, any extra performance, doubtful. I say, the best SMG’s in the wourld are produced by SW, and I will stand by that statment, as soon as i test fire one. When i do i am sure my analysis of the guns will be proved true.

And it was the Mayor’s NEPHEW, you illitterat!


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by Nordic:
Hey Geekboy, SPECIAL-ED, et-all, does the shadow government agencies that fund your ops also provide you with anti-armor capabilities? I mean what if a posse of gang bangers starts driving through the mall all a blazin’ in their ‘74 Licoln Continental? Do your low profile, battery powered patrol units come equipped with mounts for attaching Hellfires? Also, what if your three-man team is ambushed by superior numbers of Chechin rebels while guiding traffic at the escalator? If I were you I’d consider mounting claymores to the sides of your HUMGEE (”g” for golfcart). We all eagerly await your next installment!

You are a doofus, of course there is no anti-armor capabilities for golf carts, the UNIMOG was woth the anti-armor work though. We would never consider using any missles larger than our modified surplus Shrikes, Hellfires are completly out of the question. also, ourgolf carts are modified, and can take abouse alot tougher than golf balls..

Also, Neonazi skinhead gangs are the most difficult thing we currently must deal with, it is not Chechin thzat we have to worry about, it is the Australian militants, and I dan’t care if they reed this, they allready know that we are onto them and we will not give up.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by robtracy:
If our two new urban warriors would merely divuldge the management company of their malls I could quickly determine if this is truth or fictional. piss on my parade and tell me I can’t have my weapon in “their” facility.

Nice try Wanda, I’ll tell you what company I work for when you sign up and take the honor code of silence.

We don’t like to parade around in uniforms like a bunch of drunken shriners at a gay rights parade.

Low profile is key to our survival and the survival of our clients.

As far as you bringing a concealed firearm to my facility, I have a keen eye for a hidden weapon. Try the s#!t on my premises and you’ll have to shove your arm up your ass up to your elbow, just to get your hand around the grip.


SPECOPS writes:

quote:Originally posted by Nordic:
Hey Geekboy, SPECIAL-ED, et-all, does the shadow government agencies that fund your ops also provide you with anti-armor capabilities? I mean what if a posse of gang bangers starts driving through the mall all a blazin’ in their ‘74 Licoln Continental?

No-Dic, are you still here?

No we are not govt. funded, I work for a corporation, do I need to spell it out for you???

Yes we do have armored vehicles Lucy. We have armored GMC Yukons and Suburbans for executive protection. We have several Hummers with MG mounts for our two HK21Es, and two VERY special armored vehicles for more serious work, here’s a hint, the US Marine Corp has a 2 less in their inventory now.

We have been faced with several BGs with Anti-armor weapons. Usually it’s just surplus RPG7s but occationally something a bit more potent, like AT4s and one incident with a TowII.

Funny that you mention the Chechin rebels. We don’t have to deal with them, but we get a lot of heat from the Russian mofia. Those guys are bada$$es, former Spetsnaz and KGB that are out of work and pissed off.


Okay, this one’s from someone with a real sense of humor, so I had to include it.

PRK writes:

You guys laugh. Mall security saved my tender butt. Mom let me go to the men’s room aloen. The guy from electronics came in. He lured me into the stall. I hadn’t seen a Gameboy before. These two guys came right in with no warning. They dragged him off. Years laater I figured this out. I could of been a victim.


SPECOPS writes:

Thanks to all that have been supporting us here on this board. Your kind comments and genuine appreciation almost bring tears to my eyes. I especially want to thank the little boy who wrote about his tramatic experience in that men’s bathroom. It took a lot of guts to talk about that on a public forum. You are a brave, brave person. You appear to have what it takes for a career in my field, please contact me when you are 18, I can get you in started on a high intensity training program and hopefully get you started as an apprentice by the age of 21.Unfortunately I can not take credit for your courageous story. There are many stories like yours, I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days. But there are many brave men like myself out there who risk their lives daily, so that boys like yourself can live a normal heterosexual life.


Gecko45 writes:

quote:Originally posted by SPECOPS:
Funny that you mention the Chechin rebels. We don’t have to deal with them, but we get a lot of heat from the Russian mofia. Those guys are bada$$es, former Spetsnaz and KGB that are out of work and pissed off.

SPECOPS, I am considering a transfer to a line of work that is much less boring, and the equipment and the opponents you have listed intrigues me. I would like to visit your corporation’s facility, and view your training grounds. The whole mall gig is getting old, and I feel less and less appreciated at our retail center. What I am trying to say is, does your corportation have room for a few good men? Another fearless crusader, to watch over the safety of the halfwitted masses? I believe that my tac-team may be able to continue without me, I hate to leave them at the mercy of the skinheaded “heil Hitler” crowd, but that op will be finished out of my juris diction one way or the other. The NYPD has dealt with the Crips long enough, they should be able to keep their heads above surface should I cease my endless pursuit of them, but I just have to wonder if working ops on a traveling freelance basis once again wouldn’t be just the thing to rejuvanate my career.

I wondered.

But then again I think of the mayors nephew, his face distored with tears and terror, the GAP employees who asked for my autograph, and had to settle for a cover identity’s signature, the flashbangs, and their acrid scent, the small of napalm in the evening breeze, as I crouch behind a shopping cart in the parking lot, the target practice with my dearest comrades and friends, the members of my teams, and our live fire exercises-Can I leave it all behind? should I?

Or is my life better spent as the silent, alert, stalwart, invisible guardian of the free mall…

I cannot tell.


SPECOPS writes:

Gecko45, that is a very difficult decision to make. I was faced with the same situation years ago–I was working for a smaller security organization, me were regularily rotated between 4 stations. A local Food City supermarket was designated Sector Alpha-Niner, the Jiffy Lube was Bravo-Lima-Fiver, the local $1 movie theater was Golf-16 and finally, the most coveted assignment, the local mall or Zebra-1.Back then, before the corporate sponsorship, our gear was severely limited due to out of pocket expenses. I was armed with a Glock17 (one of the first into the country, given to me by Gaston Glock personally in honor of my former black-ops experiences) and a Rem870P 14" bbl folder loaded with 000 magnums.On this particular fateful day my team was assigned to patrol Sector Zebra-1, the mall. It was an uneventful day, until the unthinkable happened…It was about 8:45PM, and the mall was closing and nearly empty. Me and my ’shadow’ were sweeping quadrant 069E, the mall arcade, a known hotspot for Asian Gangs and assorted thugs. The arcade was located at the far east end of the mall, next to the movie theater and the orange julius.I smelled trouble, and couldn’t spot any movement from the arcade, which was unusual due to the presence of a new Mortal Compact arcade game. Those Asians Gangs love Mortal Combat.I went to “condition red,” and discretely unholstered my Glock17 loaded with Black Talons. I motioned to my partner to sweep right to flank the arcade, but he was already in motion sensing the trouble in my facial expression. My partner drew his S&W 1006 and went prone behind a potted palm tree.I crept towards the arcade, when the power went out. It was an ambush! I could still see relatively well due to the full moon, shining through the building’s skylights, and years in a dark secret Russian prison center had honed my natural night vision to that of a tomcat.A perp popped up from behind the Orange Julius counter with a full auto Kalashnikov with a 75rd drum, and opened up in the direction of my partner, meanwhile two perps popped up from behind the skeeball machine with sawed off 12 gauges. Another two perps appeared on the upper level and brought down hell-fire on us from above. One had a Winchester Model 70 in .30-06 with a 10x scope and the other was laying down suppressive fire with a Mac10 variant. The perps were all sporting cheap russian NVGs.I dove under a metal bench, and lined my sights on the AK bandit. A double-tap to the chest, and a quick follow-up to the head brought him down like a sack of potatos. My partner had been hit in the leg by some buckshot but he kept fighting like a champ, he took out one of the shotgunners with a 10mm hollowpoint to the temple, while I started unloading into the glass partition that surrounded the upper level. When the sniper ran for cover I drew a bead on him, adjusted for distance, and dropped two into his abdomen. The Mac-man ran for it, at the sight of the bloody guts pouring out his partner’s stomach.I did a quick tactical reload, grabbed the 870P from the harness on my back, and did some rolls over to the movie theater and back flipped over the concession counter while unloading the 5 rounds of 000 into the skeeball machine. My partner was pinned down, I tossed the empty 870, and realized I couldn’t hit the remaining perp due to my the poor angle of attack. I had to act fast or my partner was done for. I leap over the counter again, and low crawled towards the arcade unseen. I crept behind the Mrs. PacMan game, and when I heard the perp reload, jumped up with my trusty K-Bar, and threw it into the perp’s arm, pinning him against the wall behind him.When the smoke cleared, we had three dead perps, and two very scared prisoners. My partner was slighting wounded but he would live to fight another dayl. The company goons came in fast by chopper, to cover up the situation. The remaining perps were flown to a company detention center, and we never found out what happened to them, or why they made such a vicious attack. My belief is that they were planning to hijack the coveted Mortal Combat game unit.The remaining customers and employees were paid off to cover their emotional distress and to keep their mouths shut. Later an unknown shadowy figure in an expensive black suit (obviously a high ranking company guy) came to me as I was reloading my Rem870 (in case of a second wave of attackers) and offered me the job opportunity of a lifetime…

I don’t know if I made the right decision that day. I will always fondly remember the days of mall security, the expressions on the thankful patrons you saved from certain molestation in the mall bathrooms. The look of pain in the drooling face of the shoplifter you just choke-holded to unconciousness.

Yes my new job is more exotic and the gear is better, but would I trade it all for one more day as a mall security rep? I don’t know the answer to that question.

Gecko45, just remember, you always have a place available with my company. No matter what you choose!

Stay safe brother!


Finally, the mods show up:

SteyrAUG writes:

ATTN. SPECOPS AND GECKO45 my secret username is CIDDECEP and I am your S2. My authorization code is Six Wun Quebec Oscar Fife. Your presence here is tactically dangerous and compromises our overall mission parameter. Cease and desist all activity on this board. Our “enemies” are deft at computer hacking and may trace you back to our primary locale. You have forced me to compromise my situation to protect your vulnerable flank. This issue will be addressed later.


Gecko45 writes:

Authorization Code acceptabel. Will revert to sthealt ops, and stay “sub” on “WASFCD”. Contact my supervisor, and check.Over and out.

The End. Well…not really. You still see these guys pop up from time to time on various message boards, but still, it’s good to know my local mall is free from Chechen rebels with rocket launchers and intentions on taking my “ass virginity.”

11 Comments
  1. iaccocca wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 1.5.0.6 on Windows XP

    Thank you for finding this and posting this. I am laughing so hard that milk is coming out of my nose, and I am not drinking milk. When I read, "BTW A one time experiementation while in the military, does not make one a homosexual." I thought I would die. And, I too have wondered, "…if I made the right decision that day. I will always fondly remember the days of mall security, the expressions on the thankful patrons you saved from certain molestation in the mall bathrooms. The look of pain in the drooling face of the shoplifter you just choke-holded to unconciousness."
    Thank you

    Comment on August 9, 2006 @ 11:02 am

  2. TopDog wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 1.5.0.6 on Windows XP

    This is hilarious! Too many great one lines to quote. Thanks for posting this.

    Comment on August 30, 2006 @ 4:44 pm

  3. robthecomputerguy wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 2.0 on Windows XP

    Sniff, they missed me. My ass still hurts to this day.

    Comment on November 1, 2006 @ 8:56 pm

  4. elementc wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 1.5.0.7 on Windows XP

    Oh my  God!! This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time!!

    Comment on November 7, 2006 @ 8:08 pm

  5. lpcard wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 2.0 on Windows XP

    I'm not so much a gun guy, so many of the jokes (esp. regarding body armor) went right over my head. However, I did enjoy the part about the modified Shrike missiles for use on golf carts. FWIW, the Shrike was the fore-runner to the HARM and it's length alone would probably be equal to a couple of golf carts nose to tail. Air launched air-to-ground anti-radiation missile.

    Comment on December 20, 2006 @ 1:17 am

  6. stu wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.1 on Windows Server 2003

    Everybody knows that Mortal Kombat was a crappy game. Those perps have bad taste.

    Comment on January 8, 2007 @ 3:53 am

  7. anonanon wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 1.5.0.9 on Windows XP

    First, thank you for this page. I haven't laughed this hard in years.

    Second, reading between the lines, I believe that Gecko45 was exactly who he said he was, a mall security guard. One with a healthy imagination, but an esteemed mall security guard nonetheless. (either that, or a 13-year-old brother of an 18-year-old mall security guard, who idolizes his older brother!)

    SPECOPS, on the other hand, is a talented writer. I doubt he's done a day of mall security work in his life, but he could be anything from an armchair NRA member to chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The point is, he recognized an opportunity to have some fun with Gecko45 and took great advantage of it, to our eternal gratitude.

    SteyrAUG was SPECOPS saying he'd had enough-he wasn't ever going to top the "hijack the coveted Mortal Combat game unit" post, so he retired at the top of his game.

    Apparently Gecko45 went for it.

    Comment on February 6, 2007 @ 4:00 pm

  8. South Park Pundit » Blog Archive » Monday Morning Linkery wrote, running WordPress 2.0

    […] Have you seen "300" yet?  If not, get yer ass on the next boat to Cuba.Gecko45 is dead.  Long live Gecko45!  […]

    Pingback on March 26, 2007 @ 12:42 pm

  9. The Mall Ninja Apptitude Test | The Firearm Blog wrote, running WordPress 2.3

    […] Taken from Lonely Machines […]

    Pingback on October 17, 2007 @ 9:06 pm

  10. ze_Mighty_Vegetable wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.6 on Windows XP

    Thank you, O Great One for sharing this incredibles tales of heroism with us. Because of your efforts, we unworthy worms can read all the selfish exploits of these two nameless heroes.

    Know that I too will do my part to educate the public about these dedicated men and (one assume) women who so fearlessly protec our god given right to a safe shopping spree.

    I am a lowly peon in a summer camp and do hereby swear that I will tell those legendary deeds to my charges. Of course, I shall do it in the spirit of those two honorable protectors of all that is on sale this week. I will invent some outrageous (but still real, obviously)tales of mayhem in an unnamed mall and reenact them in front of of the kids with the help of my hand-picked team of ninjitsu-trained, armed-to-the nostrils future ex-Specops Green Beret LRP SEALs.

    We shall be… the Company of Armed Maniacs Preventing Casualties and Obtuiaries Under No Supervision with Entirely Lethal Operation Professionnal Samaritains, A.K.A. the C.A.M.P.-C.O.U.N.S.E.L.O.R.S. Evil doers beware! We will be waiting for you. and in the unprobable event that you should manage to be too powerfull for us, we will be man enough to call backup.

    Gecko45 himself shall ride to our rescue in his modified, modified-Shrike armed electric cart of Death, oblivious to any danger to his personnal safety (and pretty much everything else, as research as proven it is quite hard to drive while holding a ceramic trauma plate before your face).

    Comment on November 20, 2007 @ 10:18 pm

  11. erik wrote, running Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.4 on Linux

    This page has been inundated by comments, so I'm shutting them down. If you have something you feel adds to this, feel free to email me, and I'll write it in.

    Comment on March 1, 2008 @ 12:19 am

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