My local high-school football team is called the Wolverines. The high-school football team and guerilla patriot squad from Red Dawn is also called the Wolverines. Yet, whenever I see someone in a letter jacket and scream, “Wolverines!” with a rifle in my hand, people just don’t seem to get it.
Why? Because one of the great classics of Reagan-era American cinema languishes in near-obscurity. This is truly unfortunate, especially since we just haven’t had enough flag-waving jingoistic fervor in this country lately. Every red-blooded American should go out and watch this movie immediately.
If you don’t, then the terrorists have already won.
Look at the all-star cast:
That’s a sure-fire recipe for celluloid greatness, right? Right?
Wrong. This was done early in their careers, when they were both young and seemingly incapable of acting their way out of a paper bag. Of course, that doesn’t stop them from trying to get in touch with their sensitive sides on screen. Witness this heartfelt scene of boy-love:
The movie itself is an alternate-history setup in which Western Europe disarms, NATO is dissolved, and America stands alone against a joint Soviet/Cuban invasion. Limited nuclear strikes occur, followed by a coordinated land/air invasion. Europe chooses not to take sides because, according to one character, “twice in one century was enough.”
World War III ensues. The bad guys roll into the sleepy Colorado town of Calumet and start confiscating all the guns.
Re-education camps are set up at a local drive-in for those who don’t care for Papa Lenin’s teachings. Of course, for dramatic purposes, Jeb’s dad (played by the immortal Harry Dean Stanton) ends up there.
Jed and the others head up to the mountains to hide, and of course, the bad guys follow.
The Wolverines fight back, acquiring weapons and supplies, then head back into town to trash the place.
U.S.A! U.S.A! Say it like you mean it: WOLVERINES!!!
If you don’t, you’re a communist.
That’s basically the movie. People get killed. Patrick Swayze gets angsty, then delivers some pearl of homespun American wisdom to keep the troops motivated. Rinse and repeat.
If ever a movie deserved the Mystery Science Theater treatment, it’s Red Dawn. The camera work is choppy and there are long sections of pointless silence. The formula was simple: rent out space in an abandoned town, get some tanks and ordnance, blow stuff up, and shoehorn in a little awkward and poorly-read dialogue. Really, it’s no different than a thousand cookie-cutter 1950’s alien invasion films.
Heck, it made Patrick Swayze’s career. He went on to do such great films as Roadhouse, while brother Charlie Sheen went on to do Navy Seals and Hot Shots. Yes, folks, this is the movie that started it all.
So, if you feel like your patriotism’s lagging just a bit, and you find it hard to wave that miniature flag with the drunken enthusiasm you did when the Republicans were in charge, rent Red Dawn.
And for Pete’s sake, take down your flag when it’s raining.
