Things we don’t discuss

I’ve been subject to some truly absurd lines of conversation over the last few months, some of which are truly troubling.

Yesterday, I was approached by a meek middle-aged sort. He asked me, without preamble, “which handgun calibers will pierce body armor?”

There’s no way I’m answering that, and he seemed a bit miffed when I told him so. Tough. You don’t go asking strangers that kind of thing out of the blue. It’s rude, and it’s dangerous.

Let’s get a couple of things straight. The Revolution is not on our doorstep, and frankly, if you’re asking stupid questions like that, you’re not going to be fighting it anyway.

Understand that, by declaring war on the government, your entire life as you know it will be ruined. You will be branded a traitor during the short remainder of your lifetime, and your friends and family will likely be persuaded to desert you. You will end up living in the woods, eating leaves and wondering the whole time why you ever thought such a thing would be a good idea.

And that’s if you don’t get caught. If you do, go directly to Step 2, which includes being quite popular in the prison yard.

Still all hot and bothered about getting into the 2nd American Revolution? Didn’t think so. I don’t know about you, but things would have to be several orders of magnitude worse than they are today for me to even consider such a thing. Then again, I don’t rush into stupid things based on impulse and peer pressure. Nor am I impressed by your silly boasts about how you’ll prevail when “the balloon goes up,” especially when you don’t even know how to use a GPS unit, much less a compass.

Now, on to the stupid crap people blither at me. Words can have consequences, and simple conversations can easily be construed as conspiracy. Joke all you want about shooting at blue helmets when the Foreign Occupational Government “comes for us,” but remember that an uninvolved observer could easily construe BS as credible intent.

Heck, we’ve got Janet Napolitano doing her best to convince folks that we’re all potential terrorists. During the Clinton administration, we had another scary-looking woman named Janet who did much the same, and people got killed over it. You want to pour fuel on that fire? Go ahead, but don’t expect me to dance around it.

The moron who asked me about body armor protested that his was an innocent question. Perhaps, if we were both experts discussing terminal ballistics and engineering in the abstract. He wasn’t, and this wasn’t that kind of conversation.

Here’s a handy list of other topics to avoid in polite company:

• Alteration of weapons in such a way that renders them illegal. You want to run afoul of the National Firearms Act, be my guest. I don’t. If the wrong person overhears you talking about it, there’s a good chance you will be charged with conspiracy to commit a Federal crime, punishable by ten years in prison.
• Sabotage or interference in government operations or infrastructure. Any number of Federal agencies would love to know you’re planning something like that.
• Sneaking guns into places where you’re not supposed to have them, whether in violation of the law or against the wishes of a private property owner. If you feel compelled to do such a thing, it’s your peril and your business. I won’t be fawning in adoration of your self-righteous sense of principle, so stow it.
• Killing anyone for any reason. It’s one thing to discuss practical steps for lawful self-defense, but quite another to revel in the very concept of maiming or killing someone. Again, the whole “giving the jack-booted thugs what they deserve” thing is not only grotesque, but quite tiresome and cliched.

I have had all of these conversations within the last two weeks. This is not the way civilized or polite people discuss things; this is the pathetic rambling of sociopaths, and its recent prevalence is quite disturbing.

Ms. Napolitano’s report did a slick job of comparing us to Timothy McVeigh, and I’m none too happy about that. The last thing we need is a few armchair revolutionaries giving her words credence.