Ring of Death strikes LonelyMachines

…and they said it couldn’t happen here.

I’ve had my 360 for about seven months, and a few days ago, it started locking up. It’d go into a snow crash. It’d stay frozen until cold-booted, and then it would run for about 30 minutes before the whole process started again.

Obviously, something was very wrong. The last time it crashed, it wouldn’t power back up. The only indication of life I got was the dreaded, pulsing 3/4-Ring-of-Doom.

As is typical of Microsoft products, no diagnostic messages were provided, and according to their site, the RoD simply signifies a “general hardware failure.” Joy.

It appears that the most likely culprit is overheating. Though my box was on a flat, well-ventilated surface, the nature of the freezing behavior mimicked that of a computer with a dodgy power supply. Microsoft is returning repaired and refurbished units with an enhanced cooling system.

Fortunately, they’ve extended their warranty to a year. When I called, I got a recording voiced by some guy who sounds like a surfer on a three-day crank bender. He sure was eager to help. I think he might have called me “dude” at one point. After having to say “no” to numerous “try this…did it fix your problem?” queries, it was a relief to be put on hold. I don’t trust Microsoft mascots.

I only sat on hold for about ten minutes, long enough to have my eardrums assaulted by really bad techno music. Note to Corporate America: music sounds like crap through the tinny speakers on telephones, and it sounds even worse when you crank it up to ~90dB. In any case, the operator was quite helpful, though there was a bit of a language barrier. They’ll be sending me a prepaid box to ship it out, and they promise to have it back in less than a week after they get it. That’s good.

What’s not so good is that, when I get it back, it will only be warranted for 90 days. The warranty should be extended for a year in situations like this. It’s not like I’m the first person to have this happen, and faults like this don’t always rear their head immediately. Here’s hoping the new GPU heatsink does the job.

So yeah, I can’t pwn any n00bs and all that for a couple of weeks. I can handle that. No. Really. I can. Shut up. You’re the one with the problem!

I can handle this with grace and humor. Others have. Come to think of it, my PS2’s been pretty lonely lately. Perhaps it’s time to get reacquainted.