Now the Bad News

Senator Feinstein proposed the Assault Weapons Ban of 2013 today. There was a big ceremony in which she had a clergyperson speak, and she trotted around with guns that are illegal to possess in the District. I bet there was cake and everything.

Though we haven’t seen the actual bill yet, we’ve seen the list, and it’s bad. For Pete’s sake, she wants to ban the Linda Carbine. Outside of Hawaii Five-0 (the one with Jack Lord’s magnificent hair, not the new one), I think I might be one of six people in the western hemisphere who’s ever even handled one.

You know, even though I don’t care for remakes, I’d probably watch the new version just to see Grace Park run around on the beach. For some reason, she won’t respond to my phone calls, emails, fan letters, or the poetry I scrawled on her driveway. Her eyes say yes, but her bodyguards and lawyers say no.

Wait, I take back the part about remakes. The new version of Battlestar Galactica was phenomenal. She handled a challenging role, and she really showed range in her performance. JJ Abrams is directing the next Star Wars film, and maybe she could do something in that.

So, where was I? Oh yeah, Feinstein. She’s no Grace Park. She’s not even Fiona Apple. She’s just a tired one-trick pony whose day in the spotlight came and went 18 years ago. The math is simply against this bill. She’d have to get the votes of all 54 Democratic Senators, plus Joe Lieberman, plus at least 5 Republicans to get this thing passed, and that’s not really plausible.

Harry Reid has expressed reluctance to push anything that won’t clear the House, and he voted against the last ban. He recently proposed his own rather indifferent bill, which suggests he wants to do as little as possible on the issue while appearing to actually care.

I’m having a really hard time getting worked up over this.

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