Ah, YouTube: a veritable cornucopia of questionable gun advice. Today’s example is MrSurplusnut. See if you can make it all the way through without cringing.
He likes the word “scenario,” and he really likes his CCW badge. By the two-minute mark, I lost count of the number of times he swept the camera with his finger on the trigger of a loaded gun.
Meet the seasoned operators of Tactial Bodygaurd & Security SVC. According to their website, TB&S is based out of Montgromery, Alabama. I can’t seem to find Montgromery on a map, which leads me to believe that these folks are some serious covert operators. There does appear to be a ninja in some of their pictures.
What exactly do these guys do?
We specialize in security for clubs, bars, convenient store, private parties. weather it be a small job or big nothing we cant handle.
These folks certainly look professional, which leads me to believe that the rampant typographical errors are some kind of code. Try as I might, I can’t seem to crack it. Good work, guys.
So, a twentyish sort started asking me about AR-15 rifles. He was interested in starting cheap and building up from there. Fair enough.
Then he asked me which model was more “tactical.” Devoid of any context, that term really doesn’t have any meaning, folks.
Realizing that I was edging into serious Mall Ninja territory, I chose to throw in some lingo. I told him that the answer would depend on how he planned on “deploying” the rifle.
He responded that, for him, a fiream is “just a fallback, if you know what I mean.”
I assured him that I didn’t know what he meant, and then he said it:
“I don’t really need a gun. My hands are registered as lethal weapons.”
He said this without the slightest hint of irony. He was serious.
First, the good news. Neil Gaiman reads this site, which is really quite a compliment, since the man is one of my favorite authors.
He’s worked in several genres, but I first came across his work when he was collaborating with Dave McKean in the classic Sandman series. The two did several books together, my favorite being the strange and moving Mr. Punch. He collaborated with Terry Pratchett in Good Omens, and he’s written several great novels, including American Gods.
William Gibson, one of the defining authors of the “cyberpunk” movement and author of the classic Neuromancer, also reads here.
I’m also referenced on this very odd site. I’m not sure what’s going on, but the idea that ninjas may be acting on an extraterrestrial level certainly gives me pause.
Mike Rolfs was kind enough to send along a link to the original mallninja.com, archived at the Wayback Machine. Take a moment to stroll down memory lane with the men who keep our shopping malls safe.
Skunkabilly strikes again! If you don’t get the joke, try reading this.
Another day, another piece of Mall Ninja Tactical Recon Deployment (M.A.N.T.A.R.D.) gear. Today’s exhibit is a bayonet mount, complete with blade, for a CZ 75 SP-01.
A bayonet. For a pistol.
Lest you think that this is something I just overheard when I had the tinfoil cap off, here it is, in all its blurry glory:
A member at the High Road posted a new piece of Mall Ninja lore, this one from MySpace. Personally, I haven’t bothered browsing the forum from which it originated, as it requires an account on MySpace, and well…I only browsed MySpace once, and I felt like I needed to wash my hands afterwards. No thanks.
Anyhow, here it is, verbatim. For posterity, I’ll leave the poor punctuation and grammar intact, as they typify this sort of writing.
Hello All.
I am new to this group; however I am not new to carrying [a firearm]. I have been carrying for awhile now. I have lived my entire life by the traditional Republican values (yes I said I am a Republican and damn proud of it!), the Boy Scout Motto of Be Prepared, and the motto Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
I carry six guns. All of them are Glocks in .40 S&@ caliber with Night Sights and are bone stock except for some wolf springs.
Continued...
