Satire – LonelyMachines

Earth Day

Ah, April 22nd. Birthday of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, leader of the October Revolution and savior of the Proletariat. Let us all take a moment to…

What? Oh. Oh…that April 22nd. Earth Day. Right. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

Earth Day wasn’t founded by Lenin. It was founded by Ira Einhorn, who, unlike Lenin, only murdered one person.

Accounts vary, and many contest the allegation that he founded it, though he claims to have done so. What is uncontested is that he was pivotal in organizing it, and he served as Master of Ceremonies for the inaugural Earth Day Rally in 1970.

Heck with it, I’m going to buy about 300 cases of Aqua Net and use it all in one fell swoop. If I survive the fumes, at least I’ll know I helped keep that pesky ozone layer from healing itself. Think of the tan I’ll have then.

Humor

Are you prepared?

Fact: The Mayan calendar ends in 2012!

Fact: Pseudoscientists and late-night radio DJ’s agree that a previously unseen planet called Nibiru will impact the Earth in 2012, wiping out most life on the planet!

Fact: This will present a major inconvenience for many.

Coincidence or PROPHECY???

The government has failed to act on this threat!

In fact, the GOVERNMENT has not even acknowledged that there IS a threat!

This is proof of a VAST CONSPIRACY to protect the rich and privileged!

Don’t be left out in the cold when the comet comes in 2012!

Aramchek Global Contingency Consulting has the solutions you need to protect yourself and your family from the bother and nuisance of the End Times.

Call today, and ask any associate for details and pricing. We also handle corporate accounts.

Ordnance

More Shot Show rumors

So, the 2009 Shot Show hasn’t even happened yet, and folks are already making predictions. Some are true, some are probable, and some are real head-scratchers.

First off, Smith & Wesson appears to be bringing the .41 Magnum back with a vengeance, reintroducing several “Classic” iterations of the Model 57. They’re also chambering one of the Night Guard revolvers (1) for the cartridge, as well as introducing one in 10mm. They’ve decided to jump on the .327 Magnum bandwagon with a really odd hodgepodge of features.

The Classic series will also include the Model 14, 17 and 18. As much as I want a Model 18, I don’t like the newer lockwork, so I’ll be holding out for a good used specimen.

Of course, all that’s verified by their web site. Still in uncertain but viable territory is the suggestion that they plan on producing the 19 and 66 again (2).

Continued...