Durka Durka!

The NSA is apparently monitoring online gamers in hopes of catching terrorists.

Because militants often rely on features common to video games – fake identities, voice and text chats, a way to conduct financial transactions – American and British intelligence agencies worried that they might be operating there

Right. So, um…yeah. To be sure, I can never play Borderlands or Team Fortress for more than 30 seconds without some jihadist trying to recruit me to his sinister cabal. It’s quite disconcerting, really. I once tried World of Warcraft, but all those folks ever do is plot to overthrow the Great Satan. In fact, I think Leeroy Jenkins is actually the Wahabist version of Captain America.

Think about it: have you ever seen Mario and Ayman al-Zawahiri in the same place? Thought not.

So, I have an idea. We spam them. Every conversation you have in an online game should use at least one of the following words or phrases once per minute:

  • dirty bomb
  • Al Qaeda
  • assasination
  • FEMA
  • radical
  • spillover
  • ebola
  • Celine Dion
  • Tea Party
  • standoff
  • militia

That’ll confuse ’em.

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